#MeToo

I think I’m ready to share my story. Finally ready to even accept that it is my story. I wanted to join in on the #MeToo movement, yes, a little bit late maybe, but I want to keep the movement and the conversation going. In a time where people seem to be fed up of the accusations and ugliness I want to remind you what it’s all about and what we do it for.

I owe this bravery to Dr Christine Ford who told her story in front of the world and Amber Khan who’s podcast Revolution Ramblings for giving me the courage to own this story as my own.

I want to first tell you this story how I used to see it.

Let’s start with this… I was young. I was really young and in a season in my life where I was learning what it meant to become a woman and testing the waters of dating for the first time. I had fun. But most important I knew who he was. It’s not like I thought he was a good guy or anything. My friends had already warned me and told me all the rumours. Stubbornly I wanted to see him anyway, why not I was free. I should’ve known better. So, I can’t be sad. Can’t let myself believe I’m a victim. I’m an idiot but not a victim. He ignored me when I said ‘no’ and ‘stop’ but I shouldn’t have been there in the first place. Alicja what were you even doing there in the first place? It’s not like you could fight him off.

That’s what I told people until a friend of mine stop me to stop blaming myself and that was first time I realised that’s what I’ve been doing this whole time.

Of course, I knew what victim shaming was, but I didn’t realise the internalised ways I did it to myself. Blamed myself for not being smart enough or strong enough to stop this assault from happening to me.

This is what I realise now actually happened.

He was a predator. He knew I was young, vulnerable and naïve. Don’t make any excuses for him. He overpowered you and took advantage of you. He saw you as an objected and felt entitled to it.

But this experience had another defining moment. I decided to tell someone close to me a couple months later. He was angry with me, exactly what I feared he would be. Despite everything I told him I could tell he saw it as my fault. That was when I realised the way we shame women for things that aren’t even their fault. It was also when I realised that no matter what this is how people will see me.

So, I lived in denial as if it never happened. I couldn’t be victim.

#MeToo is about giving women the space to come forward about their experiences and take back their power. A chance to come forward about all that we go through in a world that doesn’t always treat women’s bodies with the respect every human being deserves. 1 in 5 women are sexually assaulted. The least we can do is create a safe space to talk about our experiences and help each other heal.

Don’t lose patience for something so important.   ❤

By Alicja Shannon