Should we be striving to be independent?
"MAybE you should learn to be independent first."
Who can love us if we aren't sure how to love ourselves first right?
I don't know who comes up with these sayings, but they're everywhere, Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. If I hear either of these things again I think I'll go mad. Don't get me wrong, when you love yourself you set the standard and pave the way for someone to follow, it's a type of self love and respect that helps to create the boundaries for what we let into our life and in the end, the type of love we accept.
But we don't only receive love when we pass some kind of test. Love is free.
We come into this world alone and we leave it alone (ish.)
But I'm tired of seeing this self-love/independence doctrine everywhere I turn as if it's the path forward. I promise being alone and isolated won't bring you what you hope for, it's why loneliness kills, because when we come to the end of ourselves we're designed to let others step in and step up for us. It's why generations before us understood it takes a village.
So if you're someone that craves being with other people and love love you're not too weak or too needy. You just want what you were made for. You can be both content alone and love relationship you don't need to be able to carry it all alone.
But love comes when you're whole right? When you've done the work.
Wrong.
I don't believe this for a second. True love meets us in our mess not when we've cleaned ourselves up enough to be presentable to someone. If you've ever been in love you'll know this is true. It's why you can't give up or walk away even through the disappointments and mess. Lies and betrayal.
"The Lord God said, it is not good for man to be alone."
It isn't easier to walk alone.
In 2018 the Office for National Statistics did a survey with over 10,000 adults and one in 20 said they always or often felt lonely. That's the isolating world we live in and the romanticisation of doing it all alone isn't working. We were meant to be social creatures living together, eating together and loving each other.
This is why I'm anti-love-hunting shaming. We shouldn't force love but we shouldn't force our own isolation either.
Who can love us if we aren't sure how to love ourselves first right?
I don't know who comes up with these sayings, but they're everywhere, Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. If I hear either of these things again I think I'll go mad. Don't get me wrong, when you love yourself you set the standard and pave the way for someone to follow, it's a type of self love and respect that helps to create the boundaries for what we let into our life and in the end, the type of love we accept.
But we don't only receive love when we pass some kind of test. Love is free.
We come into this world alone and we leave it alone (ish.)
But I'm tired of seeing this self-love/independence doctrine everywhere I turn as if it's the path forward. I promise being alone and isolated won't bring you what you hope for, it's why loneliness kills, because when we come to the end of ourselves we're designed to let others step in and step up for us. It's why generations before us understood it takes a village.
So if you're someone that craves being with other people and love love you're not too weak or too needy. You just want what you were made for. You can be both content alone and love relationship you don't need to be able to carry it all alone.
But love comes when you're whole right? When you've done the work.
Wrong.
I don't believe this for a second. True love meets us in our mess not when we've cleaned ourselves up enough to be presentable to someone. If you've ever been in love you'll know this is true. It's why you can't give up or walk away even through the disappointments and mess. Lies and betrayal.
"The Lord God said, it is not good for man to be alone."
It isn't easier to walk alone.
In 2018 the Office for National Statistics did a survey with over 10,000 adults and one in 20 said they always or often felt lonely. That's the isolating world we live in and the romanticisation of doing it all alone isn't working. We were meant to be social creatures living together, eating together and loving each other.
This is why I'm anti-love-hunting shaming. We shouldn't force love but we shouldn't force our own isolation either.
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